Roses (esp red or pink)
Crosses or any variety
Big chairs
Onions
They all, since I was very young held a negative space with me. I was not delighted to receive my first rose at confirmation, I threw it away. They represent evil to me. They display emotional baggage and carry a very sinister element. Obviously we can try to explain this into oblivion with symbolism and I even asked my friend Jack, (who is a licensed hypnotherapist) to try through transgression therapy and dig up the possible connection. We did this about 6 years ago and scrapped up some results. Somewhere deep-seated in me was a major betrayal, not the silly love sort of scenario, more so on large scale politico sort of thing, in one of my past lives. I remember coming our of that session very pissed off. Now, normally sessions in trans therapy can last up to 45 min and he let me know that I was adamant from the start and was only under for approximately 9 minutes and could only speak of hate towards a former sect I belonged to and somewhere my soul never forgot. Well, it's sticking with me and that's just fine by me. I embrace what I want and the rose will never be an item I find representing beauty. To add to that, any female relationship I had (friend or acquaintance) and they have loved roses, these relationships were severed due to their lies or manipulative ways. Chicks who like roses, yea...question that shit all day long!! There is beauty everywhere and I can find it anything, trust me, but not in them damn things. Bleecchhh.
As far as crosses or anything representing a cross, I think I have a good idea why that is, but I have let go of that structure as far as healing. Crosses in history has simply been twisted to construct the trap most Sunday goers are living today. The cross is man but unfortunately bent at the will of religious leaders to control. Meh. Off in the distance it goes. Eventually, I don't think religion will crumble, it will simply reinvent itself, like anything. Like anything. I'll be old still pissing and moaning about the control system, religion will take on a new mask, and at least I will be able to say with firm belief that I never bought into any of it. You can't imagine what it was like to be 9 years old and saying to the Principal of the school, and was indeed a nun, "I'm not kneeling down and praying to that statue, I pray to no one!" Yeah, I was that kid. It didn't matter if I got in trouble, grounded, scolded, and well, it still doesn't matter. But the symbol of the cross is lost in translation now that it no longer affects who I am.
Big chairs. I am lost on this one. I will sit on the floor before Ii sit in an oversize chair. A club chair made with the finest leather, I refuse. Sort of silly, but hey, I am what I am. I do love high back sofas reminiscent of Baroque period.
Lastly, the onion. All I can say is I am convinced I was a peasant in Russia in the late 16th century who for whatever reason worked on or at or something to do with these god awful things. Since birth, yes, I can recall memories as far back as 2 years old of my hate for the onion. I will indeed ask any server at any dining establishment, "Are their onions?", knowing damn well if they're in all the dishes, I will not eat. End o' story. And if they sneakingly get in a dish that was untold to me, my tongue will fish them out and I will politely go about using my napkin removing the absurd thing and more than likely leave the place where it was served at. I haven't bothered to look into the symbolism with that but I can almost guarantee it's linked to Russia for whatever explanation for taste and distaste is worth.
I know we are repeatedly folding over and over as souls rounding out our whole experience, but as far as I am concerned if I never make to the final destination because of my hate for roses....good!
Whatever, I am a tulip girl. Period.
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