I suppose it has help me construct feelings differently throughout my years. It's like painting/drawing of course, you don't label the strokes you feel them. I dropped poetry years ago but recently revived it, thanks to a friend. I get a bit confused when people say, "A true poet" because were all lyrical content of the Universe and no one person is better than the other. This just points back to my previous blabbering about societies expectations, even in the art world. I have had more than my share of art snobs growing up in major city, please know this. If just the smallest amount of words offer the writer this release of whatever emotion is conjuring inside a bit of relief, well then, one cannot judge the content. Where I understand this world is constructed of rules, rhythm, and strict acumen for things such as art, literature, and even science...I go as far as to say, "throw out the rules, they don't always apply."
I think about a situation I have stumbled upon and why it has happened has only circled back time and time again..."to open my heart". I think a lot, almost too much, it even drives my friends crazy with all the introspection I mull over in my life. Even writing poetry can offer a bridge and I think this is all part of healing, growing, and stretching into new avenues of thought. In my situation, I could not complete my feelings or make them solidified, so I am learning through poetry and drawing to simply see it all as a snapshot through my two lenses. It was truly difficult at first just because I am one to take action and when my desires cannot come to fruition, this leads me to intense frustration. I am big on making things happen, but that does not necessarily mean every will comes to be. To add to that, there is something really glorious about "leaving it" so to speak. Like life, love, art, taking out the trash, there are these finite moments, the every second you are cherishing positive flowing thoughts of exactness. This is the only way I can explain it, sounds a bit wacky I know. Who thinks in terms of taking out the trash as beautiful. I can say I do. If I round the corner from the back gate and catch a glimpse of something spectacular, like the way a dandelion will do anything to stretch from the buckling pavement, it's that moment right there that triggers are these beautiful feelings which can be endless if you're in my head. Hahahahaha...
It's also true that when will is tied to ego and action cannot be complete how a very dark side of mucky things will arise, and they do! The mind creates all sort of conjectures that will smash that blissful moment of the dandelion you thought so simple and beautiful. These smashing moments turn to projections onto loved ones, friends, even strangers. I don't want to promote numbness, as in not thinking anything, but I know for myself it has helped me see....'me' a bit better. Instead of haggling over the rights and wrongs of how I feel about a situation, it's more a study of my relationship with that event, things, person , place, etc. Circling back to poetry, this allowed me to connect the dots from feelings that couldn't be said in a therapist office to having a long look in my own mirror with my poetic words and coming out the other end, 'okay'. However you wanna define okay? (more laughing)
Each day is different from the next. Not one worse than the other. I am living my dream. I had a 'wish list' back in my very early 30's and I can honestly say that every item on that list, I now have or done. I am talking down to the T, it's borderline creepy! Not that having or doing things is the end all, no. What I mean to say is, the will can bring many dreams to be, but sometimes not all wants, wishes are to be. They are just meant to open another part of your being, to help you love, desire, remind, respect at a deeper level. I wish to purchase property in Spain, but it's just not in the cards yet and may never be. It's very rare for me not to carry out my will, but sometimes there are just things that may have to wait. My friends said to me just yesterday, "Ya just gotta wait". So simple right?
What are you waiting for?
I think of Espana as a small child
Warm and arid inland familiar
Its the charm of slow and pastel
The many ranges and small towns
I may pass in Spain leaving harmony
Maybe you'll join me, maybe
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