Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Chick talk is so fucking exhausting!

Well...

If you have decided to read this and you're a female, please do not gang up and come after me with burning torches screaming "traitor!"  If you're a male reading this, please don't ask me if I'm a lesbian, because I'm not, although I know this might give a thrill. Some of you know me well, some kinda, some not.  It's just my take on a situation and I don't mean to offend anyone personally.

I decided to have lunch today with an acquaintance (notice the word acquaintance).  I would have to say this person belongs in the "hey good to see you" category, but I am all for mixing it up every now and then.  Anyway, in the cordially fashion of greetings etc and the start of our chat 'a la chick', there was a resonating theme that kept coming up.  This is where I have serious trouble understanding.  Maybe I can't 'chick out' like other women and rip on men and belittle other gals who walk by, or even merely have gossip talk.  I'm not saying I subscribe to the "if you don't have anything nice to say".....blah blah blah thing, because if I don't have something nice to say and the person damn well deserved it, they're gonna hear it.  I am not sure if this gal was just on auto-pilot for a Thursday afternoon and this was conversation that was par, but I found myself zoning out.  I never zone out.  I will listen incessantly, discuss, deduce, and reciprocate chat on most levels. Today was not my day.

First topic up for debate, why she can't seem to find a guy.  Now normally in conversation one will ask the other person for opinions or even allow you as the listener to interject, not this gal.  I did get in mid sentence, "maybe you weren't  good at listening", thinking she would get my joke and that went ignored. After her venomous spew, I did let her know that we're all looking for someone and she should take a look outside of her bubble and this may put an end to her desperation.  She understood what little advice I could squeeze in, but when I started to notice her head smoking, I suggested we dig into our lunch because I am hypoglycemic, and my ass gets all 'loopy' if I don't eat.

After finishing some of my food, I was delighted to feel my blood pressure rising again, to come back into focus ...you know that feeling you get right when you're about to under with anesthesia, yea, I had that feeling when she started in again with the chat.  Second topic of discussion, her sexual habits. D'oh!  Really yo, what the fuck man?  Now, I am a very open person and understand many forms of sexuality but with food present and well, what I would consider "uncleanly female hygiene chat" come on!  I was able to detour her vaginal plight and FIRMLY suggest she get to her GYN quickly and not to worry about it.  I then quickly referenced some chick flick that's currently playing in theaters, I was honest and made a guess at the name.  I rarely go to movies and I don't watch chick flicks.  This was good as she semi-squealed and corrected me about the film title. I was tickled because this chewed up about another 20 minutes of our time together, but then I noticed that she carefully placed the movie theme into  her own life scenarios of her buck fuddy's and goddamn if I didn't say say "Hey, ya know celibacy is the new black" and then have her come after me months later all honked up on estrogen madness from not getting laid.

It was exhausting but I was still in my zone and time was ticking away.  I had to jump on a 1pm call anyhow, so I jokingly said to her, "Oh yea, just pay the receptionist when you leave", she asked if I as mocking her.  I politely and honestly told her, "Trish, I think you're great and smart, but you need to stop and just look outside of yourself every once in a while".  She wasn't upset about my comment, she actually looked a little surprised.  It very hard for me to sit with folks who carry, what I consider 'unsettled energy'.  Those types sap me as I pick up on so much.  Crap, I went with my buddy Em just for a couple pints and sandwich and the mere vibration of the nuclear family next to us almost sent me into seclusion.  Poor Em probably thought I was losing my mind.  I just pick up on stuff and sometimes it just sucks.

I have to say that all in all chick talk went ok, aside from being a defunct sounding board filled with a cocktail of drugs.  I hope most females do realize and have some sort of emotional intelligence to know that not everything is about their world.  Oh man, that was bad.  I shouldn't have singled out a gender, I'm sorry, that was wrong.  It struck when I realized the clowns I have dated in the past, because some males are guilty of this as well.  Maybe there is secretive man talk. I am that gal with all the guy friends who have NO sort of filter. It's "Dude, it's just Darcy, she don't care".  Guys in all honesty are so simple; well at least the ones I know are.  I know the man talk, and I have tried, believe me, I have tried for the life of  me to relay to my female cohorts, very very few get it.  I don't want to come off as a "I'm too cool to have girlfriends" kinda girl because I am not.  I am always told how sensitive I am, and it's true, but this whole thing about "I am a female, and if I don't do something to a guy in a particular way to get the correct response", now you have intruded on my fun time, or chill time, because really, who in the hell has time for such thoughts?  Oh my god, just be, just be you freak.  If you suck, then go be with others who suck.  If you are quiet then go be with others who are quiet.

See this note has taken on the derailment feel.  Whatever, done.  Em, if you read this I need you to please do cards for me.  I need to be reset. Baaaaahhh...

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